Day 274

Over the past couple days, I've had some of those conversations that can make your head spin from the seemingly endless back and forth of insults, accusations, and excuses that can never come to any resolution.  Essentially, one of the participants simply has to give up the fight and allow the other person to get the last word.

Over the past couple years, I've made several difficult choices. I'll admit that I should've done things differently and have made myself out to appear like a bit of a bad guy. I know that I didn't choose the best course and I am not proud of that part of my story. On the other hand, I know without a doubt that I have arrived at the destination where I should be and I have absolutely no regrets in that particular regard.

Ultimately, I know I was right.

Granted, being "right" is often just a matter of perspective. What is right for one person may not be for another. In fact, I think it's pretty obvious that in this world, just about anything and everything can be (and usually is) debated endlessly with both sides insisting that the other side is completely wrong.

So I have come to a realization: I've spent far too much time and effort trying to prove that I was right.

But the real realization is this: it really doesn't matter.

I know that I don't need any affirmation to prove or justify anything to myself.  I know that there is and will be issues that arise from decisions that I have made.  But what I've come to know is that with any choice that anyone makes, there will always be issues.  The only difference is that we only seem predict positive outcomes when we try to defend what WE "would've done" if we were in the same boat. 

The thing is, it should go without saying that no one can ever know all of the details about a situation except for those who were actually there and lived it.  Unfortunately, most people will only get a small part of a story, attempt to fill in the blanks for themselves, and then draw their own conclusions in the belief that they know exactly what happened.  That's a very sad reality about what we are as human beings. 

So, in the quest to prove that I was right, I shared things that are - quite frankly - no one else's business.  I can imagine that I've made some friends and family a little uncomfortable and uneasy with bits of information that "made my case."  Yeah, there's a LOT more to my story than anyone knows, and I think deep down, everyone realizes that there are two sides to the story, as well as various versions of each truth.  I'd like to apologize to those people for putting them in the middle of this situation.  It's shouldn't be about taking sides; it's all about everyone moving on and living our lives to the fullest. 

That's my sincere wish from this point on...

#274 July 21, 2011,  Watercolor

Day 272

I was working on the house yesterday. I spent what seemed like hours on end hanging sheetrock and building walls - truth be told, I did spend hours on end sweating and lifting! Around 9:00 pm, it occurred to me that I hadn't ever stopped to eat dinner. I always find it extremely satisfying to be so in the zone of what I'm doing - whether it's making art, or working, or reading, or whatever - that I literally forget to make time for eating.

So, this is a pretty straight-forward self-portrait of me eating Chinese takeout. As a personal aside, I generally refuse to eat Chinese without chopsticks. I suppose there are probably many people in agreement, but I've always just felt like the food tastes better that way!

#272 July 19, 2011,  Watercolor

Sounds: The Black Crowes, Greatest Hits 1990-1999

Day 241

In my writing from yesterday, I described the working process and timetable that I've used lately. And tonight's self-portrait was no different. Austin's ballgame, a multitude of small tasks, and the completion of a commissioned piece of art pushed the start time for this portrait back to nearly 2:00 am!

Yes, I know it looks a little (okay, a lot) like a monkey.  It wasn't intentional; I just started with a few loose lines to see what would happen...and THIS is what happened!

#241 June 18, 2011,  Pen and watercolor
Sounds: The Rainmakers, The Rainmakers

_____

Happy Father's Day to Vernon Norris - I love you, Dad.

Also, Happy Father's Day to my brother Jeff, and to all the other rockin' awesome Dads out there!

Day 200

As I look back over the past 200 self-portraits, one thing that strikes me is a distinct lack of color. (That's part of why it's here today.)  A bit of an explanation: I would dearly love for each piece to be a fully realized work of art. But in reality, I simply don't have several hours each day to devote to making the artworks in this series.

Fortunately, one of the unspoken goals of this project is being met: while making an artwork each day, my drawing skills are getting better and better. I realize this sounds like an little amateurish statement, but every artist should strive to improve their skills each and every day, whether they are a hobbyist or a Michelangelo. 

I know I've mentioned this before, but something that has come as a welcome surprise is the fact that many of these self-portraits have become "sketches" for larger scale artworks.  I like the ideas that this one is giving me...

#200 May 8, 2011,  Watercolor and colored pencil
Sounds: Pearl Jam, rearviewmirror (Greatest Hits 1991-2003)

Day 170

I've mentioned before how I like to experiment with different art mediums - this self-portrait displays that concept yet again.

Watercolor has never been one of my favorite materials to work with. This opinion is essentially self-inflicted because I haven't devoted a lot of time working with watercolor in order to really figure out what I can do with it. With that said, I have completed a small handful of self-portraits in this project as a way to expand my skills and I have found that I like it more than I had originally thought.

I recently wrote about my personal discovery of vellum. This paper allows for some very interesting effects and works well with a variety of mediums. And frankly, since I bought a 50-sheet tablet of it, I know I'll use it a lot!

Today I decided to combine the two, with mixed results. The color looks very interesting to me when applied to the vellum, and the semi-slick surface of the paper allows for color mixing quite easily.  On the other hand, I learned rather quickly that vellum is not a good surface for extremely wet mediums!!  The horizontal lines, while creating an eye-catching element to the artwork when it is scanned, are actually the result of paper warpage due to the water.

Note to self: do not use watercolor on vellum again!

#170  April 8, 2011,  Watercolor and pen on vellum
Sounds:  Kansas, Leftoverture

Day 98

A few days ago, a friend of mine told me about a dream that he'd had. In this dream, I apparently rode up on a customized motorcyle that was painted like a lobster. Obviously it was a bizarre dream! At any rate, once I heard his story, the idea for this self-portrait came to me almost immediately.

As I made this drawing, I had a few thoughts. First of all, it never ceases to amaze me how ideas for artworks can come about. I've gotten ideas from what seems like a million sources - and no, this is not the first time I've been inspired by someone else's dream. While it would've perhaps been more telling if it had been my own dream about a lobster motorcycle, it would be interesting to know where the concept for that imagery came from.

The Surrealists borrowed heavily from the human mind, basing much of their art on unconscious thought. They also found inspiration from dreams. One of my primary influences, Salvador Dali, even used a lobster in some of his bizarre sculptural work, including the lobster telephone and the lobster hat!

As I've said before, I think that a self-portrait can be many things. It's clear that this is not an example of realism for many reasons, but the quirky nature of the subject matter is a very accurate reflection of my personality. And the use of the lobster was a bit of a nod to one of my art heroes - albeit, unintentionally...

#98 January 26, 2011,  Ink and watercolor
Sounds: Marvelous 3, Hey! Album

Day 76

I chose to work in watercolor again tonight for a couple reasons.

The first reason is actually a little self-serving. To be honest, I am very proud of yesterday's portrait. I enjoyed the material, I enjoyed making the artwork, and I enjoyed the final outcome. I figured that since I had a good time making that one, then I should have another good time with this one. (For the record, I was right.)

While I don't want to call today's painting a "sequel," my second motivation for revisiting watercolor was to make a point. Just like anything else, when an artist creates, the appearance of the product will be affected by many things - including the artist's mood or mindset. I know that I laid myself out there emotionally with what I wrote about yesterday's painting, and that vulnerability was a difficult thing for me to share.

More and more, it seems that this the original idea behind "the self-portrait project" is changing into something different. It is true that I'm still extremely excited to make art on a daily basis, and the "due dates" are a great motivation. And yes, I am still interested in pushing myself with materials that I'm either unfamiliar with or making myself better with ones that I already know and love.

But it seems that this entire project is also becoming something of a journal, where my thoughts and feelings are "written" in a visual format. I continue to look forward to where this whole thing leads...

#76 January 4, 2011,  Watercolor

Sounds:  Old Crow Medicine Show, Old Crow Medicine Show

Day 75

My art has previously been described as emotional and expressive. When it comes to what now totals 75 self-portraits in this project, I think this one is the most expressive and displays the most emotionalism of them all.

As I've said before, I generally consider myself to be a very happy person. But, there are times that everyone feels - shall we say - just a little grouchy. Don't get me wrong; I have very few regrets about the choices I have made and the place where my life has taken me. I say without reservation that I have a good life. Sometimes it just seems that the weight of several different things seems to be crushing down all at once. It'll get better - it always does. I know this for a fact.

One of my artistic heroes is Edvard Munch, an artist who made emotional art at its finest. Another expressionistic artist whose work that I adore is Marilyn Manson (yes, the rock singer). I like to think that I channeled both of these artists just a little when making this self-portrait...

#75 January 3, 2011,  Watercolor

Day 51

I really love times like this.

Obviously, yesterday's post - the portrait itself, along with the accompanying text - was quite emotional. There are many things that art can be, and one is that it can most definitely serve as a barometer of the artist's thoughts, feelings, emotional state, and so on. I think there's no doubt that today's image is considerably different. To put it simply: today was a much better day.

It's a bit of a strange situation, to be sharing my feelings and emotions with anyone who chooses to take a look at this project. I can't say that I'm an extremely private person, but it is unquestionably a vulnerable feeling to lay so much out in full view.

When it comes to art-making, I've always been more inclined toward realism. But my personal tastes of what I enjoy looking at are all over the place. In most cases, when a person steps out of their comfort zone, they generally sense a bit of difficulty as they attempt something they are less accustomed to doing. Even though some of the artworks in this project are less successful (frankly, some are terrible!), I cannot express how valuable this experience has already been to me as an artist.

#51 December 10, 2010,  Watercolor and pen
Sounds: Todd Rundgren, Something/Anything? (Disc 2)

Day 24

There is no deep story to today's portrait. It all came to me when I received an amazing kiss...

I should also mention that idea for the hole in the stomach owes a huge debt to the art of Tara McPherson - I'm a very big fan of hers. 

#24 November 13, 2014,  Watercolor and pen
Sounds: Jane's Addiction, Ritual De Lo Habitual

Day 21

Early on in this project, it was suggested to me that my self-portraits were too dark, too brooding. I was encouraged to show the "real me." And I'll admit that in person I am usually far from serious; I love to joke around with pretty much anyone and everyone, my language consists of a plethora of movie quotes, and I regularly use the words "dude" and "awesome."

Despite the encouragement, the past few days' whimsical self-portraits are not made of a conscious decision. In fact, they're more of a natural progression in this project. In this case, the idea emerged when several comments were made about a facebook status I posted about the phrase "Liar, Liar, pants on fire." What the hell, I decided to run with it!

#21 November 10, 2010,  Watercolor and pen
Sounds: Gas Giants, From Beyond the Back Burner

Day 20

One phrase that I seem to use a lot is "I'm not a mind reader". I was thinking about that earlier today and this image popped into my mind - almost exactly as the finished product appears.

As I've mentioned before, I am a firm believer that a self-portrait doesn't necessarily have to be a mirror image of the artist. This piece is definitely me because of both some physical traits and a few symbolic "likenesses." And, it's been a lot of fun using color the past couple days...

#20 November 9, 2010,  Watercolor and pen
Sounds: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, BIG BAD VOODOO DADDY

Day 19

When it comes to art-making, I've always been a traditionalist. In fact, I've recently spent a lot of time attempting to break the bonds of "plain-ness" and take chances with new materials, either on their own or in conjunction with others. The mediums I used today, while they are very common, are not generally used together to create portraits. And I think it goes without saying that the visual is quite different from what I've been producing in this series.

This process all began about a year ago when one of my students and I were discussing how it was very difficult for each of us to create abstract art, given our natural proclivity to produce realism. After a long conversation, we challenged each other to work in a looser, more non-representational manner. The good news is that we were each relatively successful with our results, and we each felt an artistic burden lifted from our shoulders!

For me, "the self-portrait project" has many reasons and purposes. Of course, by repetition I would expect for my drawing skills to grow exponentially. On the other hand - and perhaps more importantly - I'm excited to see what possibilities I can discover as the project develops...

#19 November 8, 2010,  Spray paint, Sharpie markers, watercolor
Sounds: Duran Duran, Decade: Greatest Hits